It finally happened! I have been doing so well this summer keeping my emotions in check as I help my oldest, Joey, prepare to leave for college. But something snapped a few days ago and now the looming date of departure is in the forefront of my my mind and balancing delicately on the tip of my heart.
Half of the time I find myself so excited for what he has accomplished and what lies ahead for him, while the other half I find myself wanting to punch time in the face. How did this happen so soon? I wanted to feel more ready, more prepared. But in all honesty I feel beautifully sad. I say that because I am grateful that this is a hard step in our journey together. Joey is my oldest, first adopted child. He was the first of my three that joined my heart in a matter of moments only to be planted there forever. Like dropping a seed into a hole and coming back to find a mighty oak many years later.
In my mind I can still see his little face and goofy grin. I can still hear the squeal of excitement in his voice and the joy in his big brown eyes upon discovering something new. 17 years of life and love and being together daily. That’s the hard part for me. The absent seat at the dinner table every night and not having anyone to fight me for the last drops of coffee every morning (Annie hates coffee & Michael will only drink expensive coffee)!
Joey has been on a journey since before I could call him mine. He has overcome so much and worked so hard and I have had the privilege of a front row seat. A mother’s heart is strong and fierce….but can also be fragile. It’s my season for fragile and I am going to embrace it. I’m going to face this head on with lots of tissue and the gratefulness I carry for truly enjoying all of my children and missing them when they are not around. Letting our kids fly is both beautiful and hard, as I know the next few months will be…beautiful and hard!